Every year, we have always strived to make our girls’ Christmas a good one and to get them what they wanted when we could. Now, Carly and Kari are grown, so no more fun little girl things for them, but Macy still makes her list of toys and games.
This year, I didn’t want to disappoint, and I probably went overboard in making sure she got most of the things on her list, with the hope that this would in some way take away some of the sting of this first Christmas without her Dad. However, while checking out her list and shopping, it dawned on me that the best gift I could ever give her had already occurred before she was even born. It was her father.
In the early days as I first began to get to know Richard, it was his cockiness and sense of adventure that drew me to him. He had the charm and confidence that most rock stars carry, which I guess is why he was so attractive even without a professional athlete’s height or movie star’s overall good looks. We had a blast that first year, traveling and going to concerts and just laughing no matter where we were or what we did. However, as time passed and we became more serious, it was his relationship with all of the women in his life that made me know that he was a good man. He had above and beyond positive, loving relationships with his mother, his two daughters, and his ex-wife. It was clear that his love for each of them was unconditional and immeasurable. Seeing all of these relationships was pretty amazing, and it made the decision to build a life with him an easy one. Not to mention that he was actually willing to do so, and believe me, he let me know on numerous occasions throughout that there was no other man on this earth that would! I’m pretty sure Mom and my brothers would unfortunately whole-heartedly agree, as they constantly thanked him in front of me!
After we got married, we had no plans for a baby. In fact, I did not believe that I could have children and was almost 12 weeks along before I realized I was pregnant. I was starting to think I had a something wrong with me because my stomach hardened and I hadn’t been doing any sit-ups! When I came home from the doctor to tell Richard, I told him I had good news and bad news and asked which he wanted first. He chose the good, so I informed him that I had just found out that I could get pregnant. The bad news - that I was. He sat stunned for a couple of minutes before finally smiling, and we were both happy about the news from that moment on. In fact, even though we had agreed to wait a couple of days to let it sink in before telling everyone, he called his mom that day to share the news.
Of course, from that moment on, he made sure to tell everyone that he had been tricked into marrying me because I had said I couldn’t have children. Constantly, he would be telling friends and family, “You think you’ve got it bad? I got married under FALSE PRETENSES, now I’m traaaaaaapped!” For him, that joke never got old.
“Trapped” or not, he was a hands-on Dad to Macy in every way from the very first moment. Arriving 2½ months early and spending 32 days in the NICU, she was “high maintenance” from her first breath. Richard was working in Hot Springs when I unexpectedly went into labor on Superbowl Sunday with an ice storm just having happened in Hot Springs. He made the long drive home on the ice arriving in the middle of the night, she was delivered a few hours later, and he was by our side at the hospital the entire week afterwards. After that, he made the long drive home every single weekend to see and take care of his girls. It was exhausting for him to do, but that became his way of life once she was born. He changed diapers, fed her, bathed her, dressed her, rocked her, got up with her during the night, and was fully capable of taking care of her on his own. He even took Macy to Hot Springs for a week the following year so that I could work. And every Spring Break from then on, Macy was with Richard whether I could make it or not.
During the Fall when he was home, he picked her up from school every day, took her to basketball practice, played basketball with her, rode bikes and otherwise entertained her. She was a regular visitor to the backside of the racetrack with him, which she loved. They went to movies often, and he taught her to bowl, fish, ice skate, ride her bike, swim, cook, everything a child loves to do, he did it. And he always shared his life lessons and tidbits of the “Richard McNaughton wisdom.” He, of course, was NOT the disciplinarian, which I think was the case with all of his daughters, and I’m sure this was fine with them! He would hear Macy and me arguing and me getting frustrated with her, and I would get, “You’re going to have to learn how to get along with her. I’m not going to be here forever and it’ll just be you two!” I was annoyed each time he would say that, and would tell him to go discipline her himself. He would laugh and tell me it was ALL my fault because I was the one with her every day year-round, and that it was too late for him to “undo all the damage.” That always went over REALLY well.
While discipline may have been lacking from him, pride in and love for his daughters was not. He was absolutely the dad I wish every child could have, certainly the type of father I never had. Everything he did was for the sake of his daughters, his mom, and me. And even beyond that, he was just so cool, such a character, such a larger than life presence. And he couldn’t have been more proud of his girls’ accomplishments, from good grades to getting good jobs to athletic achievements, and, of course, he took full credit for their “smarts,” athleticism, good looks and great personalities! His confidence was like no other, and yet there was no real conceitedness in it. What better gift could I give my daughter than Richard as her father? Nothing will ever compare.
I am positive that I will never understand why he had to be taken away from her as a little girl. He was a man that loved being a father and took the responsibility seriously in a world where there are so many men that don't. I struggle a lot with the belief that “everything happens for a reason” because what possible reason could there be for taking her Daddy away, and especially in the manner that he was taken, and the way she had to find him? No warning, no chance to say goodbye. I can only hope that she is not so young that his memory fades to the point that she is unable to fully comprehend what a gift he truly was, and that she couldn’t have had any better father.
She turned 10 last Saturday. It’s still hard to believe that he’s not here knowing how much he will miss out on, and how very much we miss and need him. I’m sad he won’t be here to see her grow up, and that she won’t have him to guide her and instill that same confidence as she gets older. She looks so much like him. She has his eyes, but most importantly, she has his heart.
There’s a saying that women end up marrying men just like their father. Fortunately for me, that didn’t turn out to be the case for me. But for Macy, I can only hope that she’ll be that lucky. Richard constantly reminded me that I was “the luckiest girl on earth.” For 14 years, I really was......
